Chapter 22: “Experiencing War” (Part 5)

Grandfather remained silent for a while.

“Grandpa, shall I get you some water?”

“Yes. Please.”

Young Masaya turned the faucet all the way on, filled a glass with water, and handed it to his grandfather.

“Thank you.”

Grandfather drank the water as though it were delicious.

Then, slowly leaning back into his chair, he began again.

“...Toward the end of the war, there came a time when we had nothing to eat.

“Even so, we still had a destination to reach, and we marched toward it.

“It was unimaginably difficult.

“Little by little, my vision began to blur. I lost all feeling in my legs.

“All I could hear was the lifeless, rhythmic sound of the things in our packs knocking against one another.

“I shut everything else out.

“All I could think about was moving my feet forward.

“Forward.

“Forward...

“Sometimes I would lose consciousness without realizing it.

“And whenever I came back to myself, I remember thinking...

I wish I could have stayed gone a little longer.

“By then, even our emergency rations were gone. I don’t know exactly how long, but I think it had been three days since we had eaten anything.

“And it wasn’t just your grandfather.

“No one had eaten.

“Not even the smallest scrap.”

He fell silent.

“...Then I would suddenly notice that the man who had been walking beside me, struggling just moments before, was gone.

“Then, another time, I would realize that the comrade walking behind me had somehow been replaced by someone else.”

“...”

“...By the time your grandfather began to think,

This is it. I’m finished...

the officer finally ordered us to rest.”

Masaya happened to look at his grandfather.

The setting sun coming through the window had turned his face red.

Masaya stared at him carefully, but he still could not clearly make out his expression.

“...We were in a forest.

“I leaned against the nearest tree and sat down.

“And suddenly, I became terribly sleepy...

“I knew I shouldn’t fall asleep.

“Somewhere in the distance, I could hear the sound of artillery.

“For some reason, whenever the artillery began firing, it always seemed to rain.

“I never knew why.

“I used to wonder whether those huge shells flying back and forth through the sky somehow changed the atmosphere.

“Maybe that was why.

“I don’t know.

“But it always seemed to rain when the artillery fired.

“And that day, too, a light rain was falling...

“I was hungry.

“It was raining.

“My legs wouldn’t move anymore.

“And just when I thought,

This is it. I can’t go on...

your grandfather fell asleep.”

He paused.

“I don’t remember how long I slept.

“But then I woke up.

“Because I smelled meat being cooked.

“Someone had built a fire nearby.

“And they were grilling meat.”

He gave a faint smile.

“At first, I thought I must be dreaming.

“I was so hungry, I thought perhaps I had entered some kind of world of hallucinations.

“But that smell...

“That smell that filled my nose...

“I can still remember it.

“I was so hungry that I felt as though I were losing my mind.

“I wanted to eat.

“I wanted it so badly.”

“After a while, the officer came over and brought me a piece of cooked meat.

“He said only one thing.

‘Eat.’

“And then he immediately went to see the other soldiers.”

Grandfather was silent for a moment.

“I stared at the meat for a while.

“But before I knew it...

“I was devouring it.”

“...After that, I stood up.

“And I made it to our destination.”

He paused.

“Because of that meat.”

“Was it good?”

“Yes.”

Grandfather nodded.

“It was delicious.

“It didn’t seem like something from this world.

“Even now, I have never eaten anything that tasted better than that meat.”

“What if it hadn’t been there...?”

“Then I would have died.

“Without a doubt.

“And you and your father would never have been born.”

“Aunt Keiko too.”

“Of course.

“Keiko wouldn’t have been born either.”

Grandfather seemed to smile a little.

“...Not long after that, the war ended.

“And a new era began.

“Your grandfather and the others listened to the Emperor’s message on the radio.”

He paused.

“Almost no one cried.

“When I looked at the officer...

“He had the face of a demon.

“He was staring straight ahead.”

Grandfather slowly raised his right hand to his forehead.

He gave a salute.

“...That officer killed himself that day.

“He put a pistol in his mouth...

“and pulled the trigger.”

“What?!”

“There were many others.

“Not just him.

“Many people died after the war.”

“But why?

“The war was over.”

This time, Grandfather smiled clearly.

“...Because the war was over.”

He slowly let the tension leave his shoulders and sank deeper into his chair.

Then he looked out the window.

At the world outside—

unchanged from any other day.